During communication there is a listener and the speaker, two people in the conversation and it’s important that there is a shared responsibility in both the listening and the delivery of it. Don’t stay silent as a listener, listen attentively, don’t interrupt when the other person is speaking, but when there is a need for clarification then do jump in and as there can be a lot of information overload from the speaker, do interrupt when there is a pause, staying silent for a long time doesn’t make the speaker feel heard.
It’s important to listen and speak to each other the way you would like to be spoken to, show respect, in heated conversations, try and calm yourself, you could silently breath in to slow down. If you lead by example, you might start to realise that your partner, family member, friend or whoever you are talking to does start to follow.
No one can read your mind, if something is bothering you, its useful to talk to the other person and explain what is going on, this has of course to be done with good timing. If there is a heated conversation, it will help to put your boundaries in place and communicate them. Explain that you are not in the right mind to discuss the situation now, communicate to the other person that you would like time out to get yourself together and you will come back to it later when you feel ready. Walking away from a conversation in silent will only leave the other person confused or fuming, remember that culturally we have been brought up differently. Walking away without communicating what is going on, someone might take that as you not caring enough or being rude.
Don’t fix the problem for the other person. Sometimes just being present and listening can be very helpful. We all want to be acknowledged and feel seen and heard. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and stay with them in that moment, being validated can be a powerful tool. Its helpful to start a statement with the ‘I’ statement, you did this…. might turn into an argument and that closes any opportunity for productive communication. A useful tip would be to address the issue that’s bothering you. If you start bringing a lot of what has happened in the past, that could cause a conflict, if the issue is about the dishes not being done, its pointless to start bringing past issues that aren’t related to the issue in the moment. Its important to stick to one issue at a time, there will be plenty of time to address other issues.
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